


Too Late to Say Goodbye

by pricingham



Category: Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Angst, Child Abuse, Domestic Violence, Suicide, Trans Character, Trans Jason "J. D." Dean, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-09-26 21:14:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9922388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pricingham/pseuds/pricingham
Summary: Jason Dean is thirteen when it happens. When his mother snaps and he loses everything.





	

**Author's Note:**

> bud uses the d slur to refer to jd just a Warning  
> i like to headcanon jd as half italian also lmk if the italian is off please im not Fluent just a small beginner  
> p.s.: some people??? use a characters experiences???? to cope??????  
> p.p.s.: jds birth name is janis bc i wanted jd to be a childhood nickname + originally wanted it to be an italian name but lbr bud wouldnt be here for that

The moving from place to place had started as early as JD remembered it. The one that stuck with him the most, though, was when the Deans moved to Texas.

He was as young as 13 and his hair was still growing from when JD had shaved it all off using Bud’s electric razor to show him he was a boy, short hair and all. JD squinted as he stepped foot outside, the sun too strong for his eyes to handle.

“Get inside, both of you,” Bud ordered. JD envied him for his stupid sunglasses. He wanted to say something back, something snarky and sarcastic to piss him off, but he knew better than that.

“JD,” he heard his mother call, in a light Italian accent that was all but comforting to him. He sighed and picked his bag up, walking with her inside after.

He hated unpacking but his mom helped him with it, making up some games to make it easier while Bud went to the nearest grocery store to get dinner, which usually meant three packs of beer and maybe, _maybe_ , instant noodles. The last came as did half of the three packs.

“Did you drive _drunk_?,” his mom asked Bud once he stumbled in, plastic bag in hand. “Bud.”

“Christ, you talk too much, bitch. Where the _fuck_ is Janis?”

“ _Jason_ ,” she corrected him, “is in the living room watching TV.”

“Well, tell her to set the table; I got food.”

“On it,” JD called from the couch as he jumped out of it. “What’s for dinner, dad?,” he asked, trying his best to be nice.

“The fuck do you think?”

“I don’t know, that’s why I asked.”

Bud threw the frozen food at him, making JD lose balance for a second as he tried to catch it.

 

“Is it too hard for you to stop drinking?,” she asked with a sigh after minutes of silence and Bud chugging beer after beer.

“Shut _up_ , woman,” he groaned. “You're the reason I drink, anyway. You and your fucking dyke daughter.”

JD leaned on the palm of his hand as he chewed, ignoring the slur completely.

“Jason is a boy, Bud. He's not a lesbian, he's a boy.”

“She's not a boy, she's a fucking _freak_.”

“Shut up,” JD murmured.

“The fuck did you just say to me, cunt?”

JD clenched his jaw and swallowed. “I said, shut up.”

“JD.”

She tried to stop Bud before he could hurt her son, in vain. JD winced and gripped at the table as he smacked him so hard it burned. “May I be excused?”

“You wanna fucking be excused after telling me to shut up, you piece of shit?! You gotta be shitting me, Janis!”

“It's _Jason_!,” he snapped, getting up.

“It's useless shit, that's what it is!”

“JD, _fermati_!”

“ _I_ _o_ \--”

“Speak  _fucking_ English, you pieces of fuck!,” Bud yelled, slamming his fist on the table hard enough for the plates to shake. “You fucking go upstairs and don't come down until I tell you so,” he gritted, pointing at JD.

“No.”

“Don't fucking try me.”

JD walked out of the kitchen, slamming the door in the way. He could hear the shouts and sobs from his room as the grasshoppers sang their lullaby. The hurt Italian and the furious English mixed up in his head so much he could barely understand each. JD put his hands to his ears and cried silently to sleep, trying to ignore his mother's pleas.

 

“I’m doin’ my job first thing tomorrow mornin’ and I want both of you with me,” Bud announced at lunch, accidentally spitting a bit of the burger. “Shit.”

“I don’t wanna go,” JD murmured. He hated seeing Bud blow buildings up, it made him feel scared and helpless. Made him terrified Bud might explode his own house for pleasure some day.

“Well, no one asked for your opinion now, right, champ?”

He _hated_ when he acted like nothing had happened in the morning after. Like JD’s mother wasn’t sitting there, eating quietly with a black eye and a broken nose. Like JD’s cheek wasn’t bruised from the smack. “I don’t wanna go,” he repeated, more firmly this time.

“No one _asked_. Emilia, tell your kid he has to go.”

JD perked up as soon as Bud referred to him as “he”. “Fine. Fine, I’ll go,” he said.

Bud smirked, opening up another can of beer. He was in his third, JD thought, there were at least another two left until he was out of his mind. For JD’s surprise, Bud never reached that limit and ended up going to his room and taking a nap.

“ _Mella_ ,” his mom said, pointing at an apple. “ _Voglio la mella_.”

" _Voglio_   _la mella_ … What does that mean, again?”

She smiled softly. “I want the apple, JD.”

“Oh!” He nodded.

“... _Sei perfetto_.”

“ _Sei perfetto_ ,” he repeated, smiling. His smile dropped and it was replaced by a confused expression. “What does _that_ mean?”

She smiled at him gently and full of love. “You’re perfect,” she said, the accent still noticeable.

“Well, _sei perfetta_ ,” he said, proud of himself.

She kissed his hurt cheek softly. “ _T_ _i amo_.”

He nodded feverishly. “ _Ti amo anch’io_ ,  _mamma_.” JD moved to hug her tightly. He didn’t know what he’d do without her.

 

The sun was too bright for JD’s taste. His two worst nightmares finally together — the blazing sun and Bud blowing shit up. It didn’t help he was wearing the trenchcoat his mom gave him, of course, but it’s called _fashion_ , he looked good in it and it made him pass as a boy even more.

“A’ight, two minutes to go!,” Bud announced with a grin and an excited laugh. Both terrified JD.

He felt his mom’s hand on his shoulder and looked at her. He frowned once she kissed his cheek. “ _T_ _i amo_ , JD. Never forget that.”

“Mom?”

“ _Ciao_ ,” she said, giving him a small smile and walking away.

“Mom?! _Mamma_?!,” he called out as she walked into the library that stood in front of them. That building had never looked so colossal and menacing. “ _Madre_!” JD stood paralyzed as he watched her fade away. He whimpered when she reappeared by the window. She waved at him and he turned to Bud hurriedly. “ _Abbiamo bisogno di tirarla fuori_! _Mamma_ —”

Bud hit him on the back of the head, making JD panic even further. “Speak fucking English.”

“We gotta take her out of there!,” he screeched. “ _Mamma_! Mom! She’s in the library! She’s gonna die! We gotta take her out!”

Bud smirked at him, adjusted his sunglasses and said, “Damn right.”

JD frowned, horrified, and let out a small whine when Bud pressed the “fire” button. _Ka-boom._  JD gasped and stared as the library imploded, taking his mother down with it. He cried out so loud his throat hurt. He tried to run but Bud stopped him, gripping his arm and pulling him back.

“Don’t fuckin’ move,” he growled. JD looked from him to the building to him again. He was a fucking monster. Now he knew for sure Big Bud Dean was a disgusting, terrifying, _monster_.


End file.
